The Score Is Looking Rather One-Sided…

Posted: December 23, 2012 in Current affairs
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Let’s all stop and appreciate for a second the precious gift of sharing. Thanksgiving teaches us such lessons (once the genocide has simmered down) and so I would like to share the love on this one and dedicate this week’s entry to a good friend of mine. However, for privacy I don’t think it would be very gentleman–y of me to Meg-mention her Meg-name…so we’ll just call her Mr. Meg. (Hi Meg!)

All I would like to say is that if me and my (anonymous) friend had placed a bet a number of months back about the end of the world hilarity that was imminent, and in which the loser had to buy the other a steak dinner, then I would be promptly telling her to simply drop me off at the nearest cattle ranch with a fork and a checkered napkin.

There’s a scene in an early Simpsons episode where the nuclear power plant is under threat from a meltdown. In the ensuing panic we see workers running, screaming and – in one brief instance – kneeling down and praying. Once the crisis is averted the people on their knees (no not those people. They were in the toilet cubicles…) bury their face in their hands, an embarrassed smile across their sheepish faces as they realise how silly they were to let panic set in like that.

So I imagine a lot of people across the globe probably felt something similar when Saturday 22nd December 2012 sauntered on through unabated having experienced no technical difficulties; no explosions, death rays, alien attacks or the poles of the earth flipping 180 degrees. Another apocalypse came and went and mankind dusted off their lapels, straightened their ties and went about their business, hoping nobody saw them during the few hours before the zero date where they almost dropped their guard and gave in to their human instincts (god forbid!)

For the record I would just like to say that I (and several million other people) freakin’ called it! Others may well have had their own reasons for disbelieving the vaguely misinterpreted prophecy but I’ve always maintained a certain doubt based on one simple observation: of all the end-of-the-world theories to come about exactly 100% of them have been proven wrong.

One. Hundred. Percent.

Oh sure, you could probably argue that the world ended in some spiritual way or that the ‘end of the world’ was not a literal end but rather the end (and subsequent beginning) of a new era. The recent prophecy was based on a calender that counted down the 13th b’ak’tun (a period in time lasting 144,000 days), which may or may not have heralded in the beginning of a fourth world. But aside from theories and alarmed suggestions from interpretations of ancient texts there didn’t appear to be any evidence of the planet being destroyed on a particular day.

So you don’t need me to tell you we are still very much alive and the ball possession for Armageddon predictions is embarrassingly non-existent. Kind of makes me wish I would have mentioned all this before, though. My boasting would hold a little more credibility then. Oh well. Go humans!

Fuck yeah! Up yours evolution!

Fuck yeah! Up yours evolution!

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