Can We Change It To “Wanking And Sobbing” Day?

Posted: February 11, 2012 in Anecdotes, Current affairs
Tags: , , , , ,

There seems to be this natural melancholy (read: spine-slitting depression) that surrounds single people during Valentine’s Day. As I have previously mentioned: I’ve been single – excluding a casual fling – for some time now and crippling loneliness notwithstanding so far I’m having a blast with the no-girlfriend’s time. Though one of my arms is becoming sore and blistered…

Swiftly moving on…

February 14th this particular year is an odd one for me, in that it will be the first time in about a decade that I’ve been single on this date. For you see, I managed to hold down two consecutive and committed relationships in quick succession because I am macho as fuck!

This represents committment...

But what I have discovered is that I’m not in any way lamenting the approach of St. Valentine’s Day. I don’t know if other single people feel this way but I felt my blasé shrug towards the whole affair to be somewhat unusual and out of character for me. But here’s why:

To any of my ex-girlfriend’s reading this (does Guantanamo Bay have Internet access?) I apologise if what I say next may seem callous. But, hey, you did choose to live with me so you probably already know all this anyway.

Basically I’ve always felt that the idea of having 24-hours set aside in order to inundate someone with enough pastel flavoured love and more red than a strawberry orgy seems a little bit empty. If these are the people we love then why are we not spreading this love (gross. Don’t even think that!) throughout the entire year rather than saving it all up to explode in a cavalcade of bad poetry and drunken, obligatory sex?

I’m not going to go down that whole ‘it’s a Hallmark scam designed to make money’ route. I mean, it is but I’m not taking that set path. But I will say that being single now means I have no obligation to undergo such pseudo romantic endeavours. Don’t get me wrong; I did try to go along with it. The cards, the presents, the poems (shut up! I have a soul too!) and the meals. But now that I have no one to lavish this onto there is now no need to engage in it at all.

Here’s the thing: despite the writhing blackness of my heart and all its hellish contents I actually feel like participating in it this year.

I think it’s because I have a choice. Whereas being in a relationship both parties feel that it’s something they have to do. Like Christmas with the family or an intervention with…er…me. Now that I have the option I feel I can make the relaxed and totally-my-own decision to have a wee go at wooing someone on what is – for all intensive purposes – supposed to be the most romantic day in Western culture.

So cards and nice messages, yes. Small gifts, maybe. Asking people on dates, one hopes. Nothing may come of it in the end but there in lies the beauty. I have not technically lost out by participating but neither would I have done had I sat at home and poured Bovril onto some scurrying creatures (the afternoons at home just fly by). So why the hell not, I say?

So to all my lonely and cynical kin out there: have a happy Not Getting Laid Day!

Hmmm maybe it's not all good then...

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