Let’s Talk About Hair…

Posted: April 14, 2011 in Anecdotes, List article, Misc.
Tags: , , , , , ,

…specifically long hair. I have long hair. Long hair is awesome. We all know that. I don’t even need to go into the many many reasons behind why long hair is so awesome. Many of you will simply sit there rolling your eyes and going “Dude! Of course we know why long hair is great! You don’t need to inundate us with this redundant list of things we know. Get out of here you rabid cock. Except you’re actually awesome because you have long hair. Make love to me this instant!” To which I would have to say, “Right away, your grace.”

It’s not just humans that have long hair either. Some animals have them. The wooly mammoth? Probably the most rock and roll motherfucker with tusks (except Lemmy).

Somewhere in the world a Vidal Sassoon spokesperson is wetting themselves with glee...

So why this post about long hair all of a sudden? It’s not because I’ve been absent for quite some time and also I’ve been awake since 3am attacking clouds. What an odd suggestion…

I think I’ve just suddenly come down with a case of keyboard diarrhea. Which is rendering typing at the moment increasingly difficult and messy. So here – to add some element of substance to this short entry – is a comprehensive list of unusual uses for long hair. Feel free to windmill along to the rhythm. (Bonus sex-havings if you can name the track in the link there…)

Balloon Animals Substitute
“No, I can’t do giraffes! However, are you a fan of ZZ Top at all?”

Salt and Pepper Dispenser
Reserved only for the most unhygienic of restaurants.

Ken Dodd-style Tickle Feathers
I feel no shame in telling you that this image has opened up a new avenue of horrors for me…

Backdrop Curtains For A Gerbil Production Play
Someone else think up a rodent-based pun for a Shakespeare classic…

Those Plastic Flaps You Sometimes See At Supermarkets
It makes what goes on in the warehouse that much more clandestine. And hairy.

Replacement Pet
One that can’t run away, doesn’t need feeding, but still manages to piss in your shoes.

Rescue Aid
Rapunzel meets Silence of the Lambs.

Youtube Vlogger
Though hair is not sentient. It probably doesn’t have much to say…

Fake Spiderweb
Fuck that spray on shit you get at Halloween!

A Cheap Bonnett
Actually I would consider this one to be teetering on the brink of conventional.

I’m done for now. By the way I wasn’t joking when I said I’d been up since 3am. The cloud violence was a bit of a farce but you could see where I was going with it…

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