Oh No! Weather!

Posted: December 20, 2010 in Christmas, Current affairs, Misc.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,


It’s a magical word that has that uncanny ability to conjure up the most winter-fuelled images of snowmen, playful children and sledging down frictionless hills at face-smearing speeds. Its ubiquitous image is so powerfully evoking and emotive that Hallmark dedicate a large portion of its cards to variations of snow themes and landscapes. You can even buy little globes with fake snow in that you can shake and let fall delicately over a plastic Father Christmas. Sand aint got shit on snow! Sand can fuck right off!

But then there is the dark side to snow. The slipping and sliding and the dangerous road conditions. Specifically there is the side of snow that seems to turn everyone into refugees and panicky rural folk curious about new things – “What devilry be this!” etc. A quick glance at the evening’s news reveals Heathrow airport amidst chaos and grounded planes unable to traverse the harshness of this winter weather to take passengers to their intended destinations; Finland, Canada, Siberia etc.

Also Narnia.

It seemed that the falling of innocent snowflakes is enough to warrant at least four sequential news items each depicting a separate catastrophe brought upon this small island by sky dandruff. I can’t help but wonder if other, more worthy news stories are leaping up and down trying to get noticed in the background, desperately wanting some air time. Or are being kept locked in a damp cellar until a thaw arrives. If tomorrow we come across a news story that tells of yobbos and liberal ruffians crushing snow in their hand to make spherical objects out of them so they can hurl them with great rapidity at passers-by I’ll give the Daily Mail a call and tell them they owe me a cheque.

Yes it’s fucking irritating falling over on ice (though the emotional impact is softened if it’s accompanied by a cartoon slip sound), and we get that roads are particularly treacherous to drive on but if you’re going to put a minimum wage job over a fully functioning face then there may be greater issues in demand here.

As a sidenote: Does anyone else feel ever so slightly sorry for child actors who have to play a part while in a school uniform? I mean, they go to a real one every day for nigh-on ten/eleven years of their life and suddenly they’re being told to wear a different uniform for a small role in some ITV drama. And if my tiny iota of experience behind a film set is anything to go by: those days are going to be looooooong. Well…at least they’re getting paid for it. Or rather, their parents are. Pushy bastards!

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